Giving Up Cassie
by StarnightSam
Summary: Sam/Jack ship, don't read if they're not your thing: Sam's conflict over Janet's adoption of Cassie. Jack helps her through it as only he can.
1. Chapter 1

_**Giving up Cassie **_

By StarnightSam

_Summary: What really happened before Janet decided to adopt Cassie? Sam and Jack-- romantic angst. __What? You know I can't write more than a one page story that's not angst! Okay, if you read it, read at it at your own risk. _

**Chapter One**

As tears silently slid down her cheeks, Sam sat watching the sweet little girl play in the small park which only had a slide and a merry-go-round. She was so caught up in Cassandra and her new friend playing she didn't hear the Colonel come up behind her.

Cassandra had immediately found the other little girl and made friends. She was such a warm and loving child. Sam couldn't get over her openness with everyone she met, especially considering all the bad things that had happened to her lately.

It was the first time that she'd been allowed to take Cassandra out of the mountain since this whole thing started. Since her team had been placed on downtime for the coming week, she'd begged General Hammond for his permission to take the child home with her until he decided what would be the best for Cassandra's future.

Jack stood watching Sam for a while, not saying anything. He could tell from her expression and the tears that she was torn over this. He cleared his throat to announce his presence and watched as she wiped the tears from her face before moving too close.

He sat down on the bench beside Sam saying nothing, just watching Cassie, as he'd already shortened her name, and her friend laugh and play on the merry-go-round. He'd purposely come looking for Sam, they were all worried about her. After talking to Daniel, he had realized just how hard this thing with Cassandra had hit Sam.

They sat in comfortable silence for a long time, both just watching and smiling from time to time at the little girls' antics. Sam felt his gaze when it shifted from the girls to her. She knew he was wondering what to say. She still felt lucky that he'd ignored her blatant disregard of his direct order to leave this child alone in that bunker. Had it been only last week? It seemed much longer than that.

But Sam had known from the minute she'd closed the bunker door that she was going back in, no matter the consequences. She'd never be able to live with herself if she left this sweet little girl to die alone and so afraid, especially since she had been the one that the child had clung to from the beginning.

Cassandra looked toward the benches, mainly to ensure herself that Sam was still there. Sam, smiling back, waved her hand. Seeing the Colonel sitting by Sam, Cassandra squealed and ran over and hugged him.

"Colonel Jack! I'm so glad you're here!" The child squealed out.

"I'm glad too, sweetie. What are you girls doing?" He smiled at the little girl he pulled into his lap.

"We've been playing on those things." She answered pointing to the playground equipment. "They're so much fun, Colonel Jack."

"Why don't you just call me Jack, sweetie," he said smiling at her.

Cassandra looked at him with questioning look on her face, "But Aunt Sam doesn't call you Jack?" Her answer caught both Jack and Sam off guard.

Glancing from Sam back to Cassandra, "Well, then how about Uncle Jack?" A huge smile appeared on Cassandra's face.

"Okay! Uncle Jack! I like that." She squealed with excitement. They all laughed. Sam thought she'd laughed more since she'd kept Cassandra than she had in ages. The child was such a delight. It saddened Sam to think of all Cassandra had lost and then for her to be so up beat just made her heart swell with more love for this child.

"Are you ready to go, Cassandra?" Sam asked.

"Oh no! Not yet. Aunt Sam. I want to play with my new friend."

"Well then you best get to it, we don't have much longer before dinner." Sam smiled at the girl as she jumped from Jack's lap and ran back to her friend.

"She's such a delight, Carter."

"I know." Sam's voice betrayed her sadness. Jack looked back at her face, but Sam refused to meet his eyes.

"Carter? What is it?"

"Nothing, Colonel."

"Carter! Don't freeze up on me. I know what you're thinking." Sam's gaze found his and he melted. He'd known for sure that his feelings for this beautiful woman were way out of line when she refused to come up from that bunker and he'd really thought he'd lost her.

"What am I thinking, Colonel? 'Cause I'm not sure myself?" He pulled her into a hug and held her close for a few minutes before saying anything.

"I need you with me, Sam. Our team needs you." She was shocked at his willingness to put such love and feeling into those words. It almost sounded like he was speaking as more than her CO. They hadn't been a team very long, not even a year, but all four had bonds that most field teams didn't develop for years if ever.

They seemed like family. But what Sam was feeling right now in her CO's arms wasn't sisterly affection. No, not at all. And to make matters worse, she could almost swear it wasn't what her CO was feeling either.

Sam pulled her head from his chest and looked up at his face meeting his eyes. "Colonel, she's a child. She needs me. She needs a mother. How can I leave her alone and keep going off world. Taking a change that she'd end up alone again?" Tears were beginning to form in her eyes and Jack felt awful for her. He understood from experience how much it hurt to leave a child behind.

Wiping the tears that were beginning to drop from her eyes, Jack gently kept his hand on her face. "Carter, we'll find a way to protect her. We will, all of us together." His eyes held hers offering a promise and a hope. Sam suddenly realized that she wasn't the only one that wanted to keep this child.

Sam lowered herself into his hug, tugging on his shirt and pulling him closer to her. She knew in her heart that his arms, of all people's, was the last place that she needed to find comfort. After only a minute or two she pulled herself up from his hold and sat back against the bench bringing her knees up under her chin and wrapping her arms around her legs.

"I'm okay, Colonel. Thanks." She didn't know what else to say at the moment, because all of a sudden this was about more than Cassandra and she knew it. But, that was against the regs and she also knew they couldn't let themselves go there. It would mean too much loss for both of them.

They sat in silence the rest of the time just watching Cassandra play, both over thinking the little 'thing' that had just happened between them, neither knowing what to say or how to say what they needed to.

After thirty minutes Jack finally found enough of his voice to ask, "You guys want to go and get MacDonald's. I bet she hasn't been there." He asked Sam with a twinkle in his eye.

"Colonel, do we have to introduce her to junk food so soon?" Sam's reaction was exactly what Jack had expected.

"Carter! Be ashamed….. MacDonald's is not junk food! I'll have you know, its food for the gods!" He said, laughter spilling from his eyes. Sam chuckled.

"Yeah, right." Sam met his smile and her eyes twinkled. Jack knew he was a goner. He'd only known this woman a short time and he'd already give anything if she was his. Oh. Stop. Thinking. That. Way. He admonished himself silently.

"Well, then you name the place and I'll buy." He offered, regaining his self control.

"She needs something healthy, like real food. Only problem is I don't cook very well." Sam admitted to her CO.

"Oh, Carter, why didn't you just say so? I…" He paused and pointed proudly to himself, "…am a wonderful cook! Just name your pleasure, as long as it's steak or burgers or hot dogs." He grinned, his widest grin at her. She cracked up laughing.

"Colonel, I really thought you were serious." She said still laughing.

"Oh, I forgot I can cook wonderful pancakes and eggs, bacon, sausage and toast!" He added seemingly proud of himself, making Sam's laughter ring out again. He thought she had the most wonderful sound to her laughter. He could listen all day. He watched as she composed herself and turned back to him.

"Okay, pancakes and eggs it is. You wanna come to my place or do you only cook at yours?" She asks, not realizing how that question affected him.

"Either." He managed to answer, wondering suddenly if he'd done the right thing. But as long as the child was with them, he could control himself. He hoped anyway.

"Well, I don't have the ingredients to cook that, do you?" Sam asked.

"Oh, yeah. Carter, do you really think I don't ever cook for myself?" He asked, bringing his thoughts back to a lighter side.

They gathered Cassandra and moved into their own vehicles. Sam buckled Cassandra in the seat belt and after getting in; she fastened her belt and started her car. She followed the Colonel from the park to his house.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Giving Up Cassie**

**By StarnightSam**

**Chapter Two**

"Come on Cassandra, the restroom in is down this hall." Sam steered her into the bathroom to wash up. "Aunt Sam, would you just call me Cassie like Uncle Jack. That's what my mom called me too." Sam pulled the little girl into a hug. She'd noticed a hint of sadness in the child's voice.

"Sure, honey. Cassie it is." Sam waited for her to come out and then settled her down to cartoons. She'd found out the first night that Cassie stayed with her how much the child loved them. Sam watched the expressions of joy on her face as she made her way to the kitchen to see if she could help the Colonel.

Jack noticed the smile on Sam's face as she entered the kitchen and looked through the opening into his den at the child. She was giggling. Both the adults stopped and watched her through the opening a few minutes. "She so cute," Sam said then looked up at Jack. He'd moved close enough for her to feel the heat from his body, but didn't touch her.

"Yeah, kids have a way of making life so much fun." He said almost sadly, but the smile was still on his face. Catching himself he moved back to the stove to flip the pancakes.

Sam moved with him, "Can I do anything? I can't cook very well, but I can place the table or pour the juice." Jack smiled at her, flipping the last pancake.

"Sure. Plates are in the cabinet at the right, glasses next to that and the flatware is in that drawer," he directed pointing the flipper at the right drawer. Sam busied herself getting all the necessary things and placed them on his breakfast bar. She poured the juice, then went back to the window and watched Cassie while Jack placed the cooked bacon and eggs on a platter with the pancakes.

"Carter, since this isn't morning, do you want coffee?" He already knew she would. He'd already put the pot on. He'd found that both his scientist loved their coffee at all hours.

"Sure," she answered without looking up.

"Food's on," he called in another couple of minutes.

"It doesn't appear that she's interested, Sir." Sam went to get Cassie after a few seconds.

"Come on, sweetie. The Colonel has the food ready. Aren't you hungry?"

"Can I just watch the rest of this one?" Cassie begged, looking at Sam with puppy dog eyes. Jack swooped in and gathered the child up in his arms and swung her around.

"Don't you fall for that, Carter, 'cause it'll be another one and then another one. We're eating while it's hot, young lady." He said smiling at her as he put her down and tickled her sides. Squealing with laughter, Cassie ran away from him.

"Okay, then I'll beat you to the table," Cassie declared. Sam's laughter filled the room and Jack's heart. It also brought back such wonderful memories for him.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_Three days later….._

Sam sat staring at her computer. She was so deep in thought she didn't hear Jack enter her lab. He'd watched her for several minutes before he walked up to her table. She still hadn't heard him when he called her name. "Carter?"

"Sir! Uhhhh... I guess I didn't hear you come in. What can I do for you?" She asked, embarrassed that he'd caught her so off guard.

"Its okay, Carter. Whatcha thinkin' about? You looked lost."

"I guess I am." She looked at him with wide open eyes. Eyes that held so much doubt and pain that he could almost feel it. He waited for her to elaborate, just trying to read her face.

"It's.. uh….Cassie, Sir. I don't know what to do about her." She finally replied to his questioning eyes. She looked away for a few seconds, then back at him. "Sir, if I wanted to keep her, what affect would it have on my position on SG1?" Her pleading eyes willed him to say 'not anything' but she knew it wouldn't be that simple.

"Well, Carter, I'm not sure. But there are people who go through the gate that have kids. Are you thinking of keeping her?" But Jack already knew the answer to that. He'd even thought of keeping her himself, since none of them wanted to see her adopted by anyone that would take her away. But it had been only be a fleeting thought; he knew that alone he couldn't take care of the child properly with his job and the hours it required.

General Hammond was working on getting clearance for her to be placed for adoption. The lawyers and higher powers were discussing just what information would have to be given to prospective adoptive parents. But it was taking too much time. The members of SG1, Janet, and even the General himself were becoming more and more attached to this little girl. Even, Dave Dixon, who already had three kids had offered to adopt her.

"Sir, I love my job, don't get me wrong. I do. But I just don't know if I can let her go with anyone else. I already feel like she's mine," she was almost whispering before she finished her sentence. Sam looked back at her hands before he could see the tears forming.

Jack pulled up a stool and sat down beside Sam. "I know. But Carter we also have to think of her. A kid needs a home to come to every night. Stability." She quickly met his gaze. Neither of them said anything else for a while, just staring at each other in the way they were learning to communicate without words.

"Carter, then there's this thing we do. This Stargate Program. We need you. Our team needs you to be with us. Hell, I'm not sure we'd be here if not for you. I need you, Sam." He'd said too much, but his face showed even more. She stared into his eyes trying to decide exactly what he meant, but too afraid of his answer to ask. "Uh.. I mean with the team. I need you with the team. Please just consider that too." He tried to catch his impromptu declaration.

Janet stood outside the door of Sam's lab listening to their conversation. She felt bad that she was ease dropping on a very private conversation. But she couldn't make herself move. The Colonel was right. Cassie did need a stable home, and she really hoped it could be hers. But she knew she had to work out things with Sam before going to the General with her proposal. After hearing their conversation and realizing now was not the best time to talk to Sam, Janet left without ever letting them know she'd overheard. She had a lot to think about, too.

After a long silence Sam looked up at the Colonel. "All I need to know right now is will you help me? If I decide to keep her, will you and the team be there for me?" She looked desperate, waiting for his answer. How could she not know he'd always be there for her?

"Carter, you know without a doubt that we will," then he added softly, "I will." His eyes spoke much more than his words. But, Sam wasn't sure what she was seeing, wasn't sure because she couldn't let herself believe what his expression was saying.

"Whatever you decide we'll be behind you. Help with her, whatever you need. But, I just want you to really think this over. You'll have to give up a lot. Either the gate travel or the lab work will have to go or be drastically reduced. Even when you don't want too, she'll have to be first. There'll be school, and school stuff that she'll need and want her mom at. What if you're off world or captured and can't get back like we've been before? What happens to her?" Another sad expression briefly crossed his face.

Jack stopped talking giving her time to think about his comments. "Carter, I'm not saying don't do it. Just think of her needs as well as what you want. You know I've been here before. It's hard on the kid when his dad isn't at home." Sam quickly looked at him though wide-open eyes. He'd suddenly made this so personal. His face was drawn and pain darted through his eyes. He stopped looking at her and she knew just how hard he found this to talk about.

"Colonel, thanks. It means a lot to know you'll be here for me. I promise I will think about all sides, including what it will do to our team." He brought his eyes back to meet hers.

"And I'll be her Uncle Jack and do all I can to help you if you do keep her. I already love her, too." He smiled and she smiled at him. Such a smile! It made his whole heart lighter. He struggled to get up and move slightly away from her. He knew if he didn't move out of touching distance, he'd have her wrapped in his arms again. And he didn't need to make a habit of that.

"Well, Carter. Keep me apprised." He smiled at her and left. Sam watched as he quickly made his way from her lab wondering what had set a fire under him to get him out so fast.

**TBC**

**Thanks for reading! And I really appreciate your kind reviews. Hope you enjoy my little story!**

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	3. Chapter 3

**Giving up Cassie**

**Chapter Three**

Janet thought she'd try once more to talk with Sam. Cassie had been on Earth for more than two weeks and she knew that SG1's down time was running out. She'd also heard the Colonel talking to Dave and overheard him saying that the General had clearance for Cassie's adoption, but it would be contingent on their knowledge of the Stargate Program. As far as Janet knew, there were four people who had already expressed interest in adopting Cassie. But she wanted to be the one who ended up with the little girl.

She'd fallen head over heels in love with the child and she really thought she'd be a better choice of parent than either Jack or Sam. Janet also had other reasons for wanting Cassie. Her biological clock was ticking loudly at 38. She knew Sam had a few years to go since she was only 32.

Whether she'd be a better choice than Dave and his family? Maybe not, but he already had children. She really felt that he had asked for Cassie because he was just a great guy and knew the child needed a stable home. She had no doubt that he'd learn to love Cassie, but so far Dave hadn't spent time with her. Cassie had been with one of the members of SG1, or herself since coming to Earth, mostly Sam or her.

Janet knocked on Sam's door and waited until Sam had called for her to come in. She was nervous. She really liked the beautiful blonde Captain. They had a lot in common and really enjoyed each other's company. They'd had many 'girls' nights out' since becoming friends. But Janet wasn't sure how Sam was going to take what she had to offer. But she had to try to convince her before she did anything else.

"Hey, Sam." She said softly as she entered the lab slowly walking to where Sam was examining something on her microscope.

"Hi, Janet? What's up?" She asked smiling up at the petite brunette.

"I'd like to talk to you, if you have time." Sam could read the apprehension in Janet's eyes.

"Something wrong, Janet?" She was beginning to worry. "It's not anything with Cassie is it?"

"What?! NO. No." She couldn't help but raise her voice just a little. "No. Sam. Nothing's wrong, but I do want to talk about her," she said, holding Sam's gaze. She was so nervous she was sweaty. She moved to the stool closest to Sam and sat down still looking at her.

"I.. uh.. I.." Janet was stuttering so, she couldn't get her words out.

"Janet, what is it? Just tell me." Sam was beginning to think she wasn't going to like this.

"Sam, don't hate me, just think about what I'm asking before you get mad. Please."

"Janet?"

"Let me finish, please Sam…" She caught her breath and looked directly at Sam's eyes. "I want to adopt Cassie." She hesitated, just a couple of seconds and let go of a hard breath. "I know you love her, and I want you to. I want you to be a big part of her life. But Sam, will you be able to be there when she needs you? Can you give up the job you love so much to take care of her? Sam, I love her too. And I can give her so much more of my time. I'm older than you and Sam; I'm ready for a family."

She paused, looking sadly at Sam. "I'm getting close to 40 with no man in my life. If I meet someone today, you know with my past, it would take me years to trust him enough to have kids with him." She stopped to catch her breath and wait for Sam to say something. She didn't.

"I'll be able to give her the time that she needs. I can be a part of her life every day. I'll be home every night. I only work past 1800 hours when there's a base emergency or I get caught up in surgery. It's not the same for you." Begging Sam to understand her motives, she captured Sam's gaze and held it.

Janet's eyes were filling with tears. She'd thought long and hard about what to say, but she really wanted Sam to just agree and not fight her on this. The thoughts of hurting Sam really upset her, but she knew this was for the best for all of them.

"I'd want you to be a big part of her life. She loves you already. She loves the Colonel, already. I'd want him to continue to be her "Uncle Jack." Janet tried to get a smile from Sam, but it didn't work.

Sam said nothing at all. Her heart had stopped the minute she understood what Janet was asking. Her throat was so thick she couldn't have said a word no matter how much she wanted. She just watched as the tears streamed down Janet's face unaware that they were streaming down hers as well. She'd lost all ability to feel. Janet had really blindsided her. She didn't expect this.

"Sam?" Janet ventured, "Will you at least think about it?" Sam still said nothing. A long silence prevailed. Janet moved closer to her and pulled her into a hug. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I really didn't. If you decide you want to keep Cassie, I'll understand and support you everyway I can. But I just wanted you to know, you're not the only one who wants her, in case…." Janet trailed off. She just couldn't voice the rest of that thought. She'd probably said enough.

"Sam, I'll go now. You just think about what I've said and let me know. Please?"

Sam met her eyes, "I will." She immediately dropped her eyes down to her hands. Janet took the hint and slowly turned to leave. She stopped at the door and offered, "Sam, it'll be your decision. I'll do whatever you say," then she left before Sam ever looked away from her hands.

Tears had filled Sam's eyes and her heart had just broken. She'd never thought of anyone else really adopting Cassie. She knew it had entered the Colonel's mind, but she knew he would never do it as long as she wanted Cassie. The same went for Dave; she'd also heard that he wanted to adopt Cass. But Janet came as a complete surprise, although when she thought about it she really didn't know why it had surprised her so much.

Suddenly Sam needed someone to talk to, but not just anyone. She needed to talk to her Colonel, she needed to feel his support and comfort, know his opinion. She knew she was crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed but she had to see him.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

She'd waited as long as she could after getting home with Cassie and getting through the evening doing all the necessary things as best as she could. She'd helped Cassie with her bath and had her settled in for the night.

She must have picked up the phone and put it back down at least a dozen times. But she couldn't get the conversation she'd had with Janet out of her head. She'd try to call him one more time.

Jack picked up the phone to see who was calling him at this hour. It was a little after 2300 hours.

"O'Neill," he barked, thinking it was most likely the SGC wanting him to come back in for who knew what and letting the caller know he wasn't too happy about calls at this hour.

"Colonel, I'm so sorry to call this late. But I need to talk to you."

"Carter? Is it you?" She certainly wasn't in the habit of calling him, so he wasn't sure it was her voice or if he'd been so preoccupied with her that it fooled him.

"Yes Sir. It's me. I really hate to ask this, but can you come over. You see, I'd come there to talk to you but Cassie's sleeping and I don't want to wake her. But I really need to talk to someone and I didn't know who else to call…."

"Carter, slow down." He interrupted her rambling. "It's perfectly fine for you to call me anytime for anything. Got that?"

"Yes, thanks, Sir."

"Carter, we're off duty, drop the sir. Now, what's the problem?"

"I… uh… need to talk about Cassie…" He could hear the tears in her voice. This woman was definitely not his kick ass Captain. He hadn't seen this side of her in the year that she'd been on his team. This thing with Cassie was really getting to his tough as nails Carter.

"Sure, Carter. You wanna come over?" Hadn't she just explained why she couldn't?

"No, I can't leave Cassie. Would… Would you…. come here?" Her voice had become very hesitant. He could only image how much she needed someone to even ask this of him. Especially him. Her CO. He knew how hard she'd tried to keep her 'nothing can bother me' attitude with him.

For some reason she had in her mind that he'd only respect her if she acted like a man. Boy was she wrong on that point. He respected her because of her intelligence, the way she worked with the team, and the way she was able to save his ass and the fact that she did it in such a gorgeous package.

But the real truth was he just really liked her, Samantha Carter, the beautiful woman; Captain Samantha Carter, the kick ass soldier and officer; and even Doctor Samantha Carter, the geeky scientist that occasionally showed up. She'd hooked him alright and he knew if he weren't careful he'd cross a line before he even knew what he'd done. But right now, she needed him, apparently a lot to call him this late.

"I'm on my way."

**TBC ---**

**Thanks for reading! and for your kind reviews and to all of you who have marked this to read. I hope you enjoy it! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Giving Up Cassie**

_I apologize in advance for any errors, my daughter who helps me correct all this sweet southern language and many errors, had to be out of pocket for longer than I wanted you to wait. I have read and re-read this chapter, but sometimes my eyes and brain just aren't connected any more! So please let me know if I should keep posting until she gets back or if the errors are acceptable. I promise I don't see any more, but do you know how hard it is to see your own mistakes?! LOL.. _

**Chapter Four**

He stood on her front porch shifting from side to side waiting for her to answer the door. Why the hell was he so nervous? It wasn't like he was coming here to make love to the woman. God, why did he keep thinking about that! He had to get those thoughts and images out of his mind. He turned around to look at the street as a car passed and she opened the door. It surprised him when all of sudden there she was. One look at her face and he lost his nervousness, well most of it.

"Sir thanks so much. I really need to talk to someone about this, and I just didn't know who to turn to." From that Jack assumed that she didn't have family or close friends in the Springs. But he thought that she and Janet were good friends, and he also wondered about Daniel. But then it was after 2300 hours and Daniel was at the mountain. It would take him 40 minutes to get here. But Janet lived in this same neighborhood, why didn't she call her?

They stood for a few seconds just looking at each other; Jack could tell she had been crying. Her invitation drew him from his thoughts, "Please, Colonel, come in. I'm sorry, I'm not thinking." She moved from the door and led him to the den.

"Can I get you something to drink? Coffee's made or I have beer, juice and soda. Cassie's found she really likes Coke." Sam's smile at the mention of Cassie's name caught his attention. He wondered again, if this was to do with Cassie.

"Beer, Carter. Beer would be great."

"I hope I didn't wake you, Colonel. Please, have a seat and I'll be right back," she said very nervously as she walked to the kitchen.

"No, Carter. I was awake." He had been dozing on the couch watching TV, but was actually awake and getting ready to move into his bedroom when she'd called. So he wasn't lying to her. "But, it wouldn't have mattered if I was, you can call me anytime for anything. That's what I'm here for." He said smiling at her as she returned with two beers.

He should have added, 'it's my job.' But he just couldn't say it, because Jack wasn't good with lies and it just felt too much like a lie. He wasn't here because he was her CO, if that had been the case he would have stayed away. He had a gut feeling this would run him into that line that he shouldn't cross with so much force that he'd never stop running to get across it.

"Thanks, Colonel. That means a lot." She said as their eyes locked and after a few seconds she lowered her eyes to the floor. Watching her face, he knew why he was here. She quickly moved to sit on the sofa and he followed, sitting at the other end. "I guess you've figured out this is about Cassie?"

He was peeling the label off his beer bottle and looked up from his bottle to her eyes before taking another swallow. She watched as his Adam's apple bounced up and down as he swallowed, staring intently at her.

He was such a handsome man. She'd wished many times that she could have an intimate relationship with him, not just close team mates or close friends. She'd realized from the beginning that she was attracted to him. But in close surroundings it was getting harder as time went on to keep her hands to herself.

She took a sharp breath in and moved her eyes from his throat to his eyes. She wondered if wanting Cassie so badly had anything to do with wanting him. She knew she loved the kid for herself alone, but the prospect of having a family with this gorgeous man had crossed her mind a time or two.

"Carter?" They'd sat in silence just looking at each other for a while. "You want to talk about it?" He asked softly. His voice was soothing to her frayed nerves, too soothing.

Her breath hitched and tears filled her eyes again. She nodded her head to the side and through a teary voice whispered, "Janet wants Cassie," as she broke into sobs. Jack was at her end of the sofa in seconds pulling her into his arms.

"Shhh.. Carter.. It's okay. Shhh.. don't cry." He cooed to her as he rocked her back and forth in his arms. "Don't cry, Sam. It'll work out." They sat together, rocking and swaying until she moved her face into his neck and as her lips contacted his naked skin, on his sensitive neck, he was lost to her touch.

He struggled to hold her without giving in to his desperate need to kiss her. He needed to be strong just now, not lose control of his desire. She needed him now to be her friend. She didn't need his raging sex starved body to react to the beautiful woman in his arms. After several minutes she stopped sobbing and pulled back from his hug, looking into his eyes. "I'm sorry. I.. uh.."

"No, Sam. Don't be sorry. I understand how hard this is. Just talk to me. Tell me about it. How do you know Janet wants her?" His eyes searched hers. She sat back against the sofa and he moved with her keeping his arm around her shoulder. Reaching for a tissue she wiped her eyes and nose and turned back to him. Lost in the depth of ocean blue eyes he could barely comprehend her words.

"She came to see me at my lab today. She talked. I.. I.. ..couldn't say anything. Jack, I never thought she wanted Cassie. It just never entered my mind. I knew you did. I knew about Col. Dixon. But Janet…., that just shocked me." The way she'd said it he realized that neither Dixon nor him was competition.

She stopped talking and waited for him to say something. He didn't. He didn't know what to say. It also shocked him. But she was shocking him too. She'd called him Jack. JACK. It was if the name screamed in his mind. She'd shared deep intimate feelings. She'd cried in his arms. CRIED. HIS. ARMS.

He took another swallow of his beer and sat it back on the coffee table, pulling her tighter into his side. He glanced back at her. She was waiting, he knew. God, if he was better at this talking stuff. He had to give it a try. God, help him not to blow this. She asked him for help. Please, God.

"Sam. I know you love Cassie. We both do. We both want what's best for her. Maybe we should just do the pro and con thing and see where we come out." He looked at her, and could tell that didn't go over so well. "Janet must love her, Sam, or she wouldn't want her. Right?"

"I guess." Sam lowered her head toward her lap, tears falling on her folded hands. He guessed that wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear.

"I want her, Jack." It was the second time she'd used his name. Well, hell. That just proved it wasn't what she wanted to hear and it also proved she was really, really upset or she'd taken him at his word and dropped all formality as he'd requested. Which he doubted that last part. Her voice was sad and depressingly low. He was certain he wouldn't have heard it if he wasn't sitting so close.

'I want her.' How could he respond to that when he wanted Sam to desperately stay on his team? What would he do if he couldn't see her every day? Personally he thought it was the ideal solution for Janet to take Cassie. She'd still be close and they could all help Janet with the girl. And he wouldn't lose Sam, which had suddenly become the most important part of this equation for him.

He knew Sam wasn't interested in any type of relationship; this was the only time she'd needed his support and it was because of the girl. But he just knew in his gut that if Sam adopted Cassie, it would only be a matter of time before she cut out gate travel.

It just hung in his soul as bitter truth. He knew it just as well as he knew his name and he also knew it'd only be a matter of time before some man found his way into their lives if she was busy playing mommy and house. He still remembered all those single parents at Charlie's school functions. It had always seemed to him that they went just to meet other single parents.

Jack took a deep breath; he wanted to support her and yet at the same time convince her that Cassie was better off with Janet. Only he couldn't get the words out. Earlier he'd said a lot more than he usually said. He'd never want to hurt Sam or do anything against her wishes and needs. But.

The only thing he was capable of was just holding her. She was crying again. Loudly. God, he recognized that pain. It was the pain of losing a child, maybe not as deeply as he'd felt, but pain nonetheless.

He rubbed up and down her side and held her even tighter. She was sobbing so out of control that she really couldn't think. If she could, she would quickly remove herself from the one man's arms that she just couldn't have. But Sam's walls were crumbled into little piles of sand and all she could feel was pain. And Jack eased the pain. They stayed that way for a long time, not saying a word, just holding each other for dear life, each for their own reasons.

For her part, Sam had not known such despair and pain since her mother's death. Not only that, but she was drowning in guilt. The little girl had clung to her so tightly, and she was alone and afraid. But could she really care for Cassie as she needed?

She doubted herself and her maternal instinct. Until now, she hadn't really thought much about having her own children. Maybe it was a 'someday' thought, but not now when she'd just found the one thing that made her feel that she really made a difference in the world. She wasn't really sure if she could change her life enough to give this little girl what she needed most, her time.

Sam had cried herself to sleep, pressed against his body with her head on his shoulder. Jack grabbed the throw blanket that was spread across the top of the sofa and covered them. He laid his head back on the sofa and dozed too. He didn't want to leave, not until she was more in control. And besides the question begged, would he ever get to hold Carter like this again?

**TBC**

**Thanks for reading! I apologize for not answering your reviews yet, but I will today! I can't tell you how much they mean to me!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Giving Up Cassie**

_Note: Okay, you say this should be AU, but aren't they all if Jack and Sam get together? Really, now I ask you, have you seen any of that on the series? _

**Chapter 5**

A scream from the child's room had them both up and running toward her. Sam flipped on the light and pulled Cassie into her arms. "What is it baby? Did you have a bad dream?"

"I'm not sure, something was after me. It scared me," Cassie answered.

"It's okay, you're safe, baby. Go back to sleep. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Sam smiled at the child and kissed her cheek. She gently rubbed her forehead until she was sleeping soundly again. Jack sat on the other side of the bed, watching Sam with the child. Slowly moving from Cassie's bed they made their way to the door; Sam turned the light off and they went back to the den.

"I'm sorry I've kept you up so late. Why don't you get some sleep? You take my room. I'll stay here on the sofa so I can hear her." Her words said one thing, but Sam's eyes were saying something else.

Jack knew when a woman found him attractive and that was exactly what he saw in Sam's eyes, plus desperation at being left alone right now. He knew he needed to leave. But everything about her was screaming for him to stay, she'd even asked him to. What else could he do?

"Sure, if that's what you want." Their eyes locked and both of them knew exactly what the other wanted. Sam looked away breaking the spell and quickly walked to the hall closet and got out a pair of sweats and an x-large tee. She handed them to Jack.

"They're my dad's. He visits sometimes. They'll be more comfortable to sleep in." He took the clothes all the while thinking he didn't want to wear Carter's dad's clothes. She led him to her bedroom and they stood at the door for a few minutes just looking at each other. Jack cleared his throat and Sam moved. "Well goodnight, Colonel. Thanks so much for being here for me." She said both softly and sincerely and turned quickly leaving him at the door.

He moved into her bedroom and closed the door. He looked the sweats and T-shirt over, X-large tee and too short sweats. 'Does it really matter; who would see them,' he thought as he quickly changed into the clothes and got into bed. Her smell permeated his nose. It was intoxicating. He tossed and turned for a long time before he was able to close his eyes and let sleep take him.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Jack woke to sounds of sobbing. It took him a few minutes to realize where he was and what he was doing in a strange bed. That was Carter's voice. She was crying. He jumped up and ran through the dark into the den, finding her in a ball on the sofa crying her heart out.

"Carter? What's wrong?" He gently pulled her into his arms and sat down beside her waiting for her reply. He was beginning to worry about his beautiful 2IC. Was there something he'd missed about this situation? Since neither of them was worth a damn at discussing things even remotely personal, this unknown side of her was tearing at his manliness.

It was bringing out his protectiveness toward a member of his team that he'd never thought might need it. Someone, until now, he'd never realized was even that sensitive. How the hell had he missed this, oh so feminine side of Carter? Not that he didn't like it; frankly it just scared the hell out of him. And he didn't know why.

Heartbreaking sadness filled her voice, "I have to let Janet have her," was her only response. With that Sam folded in on herself and pressed her heaving body into his. Apparently from looking at her swollen and tear streaked face, she'd cried the whole time he'd slept which was only a couple of hours from the way he felt. It was still dark and felt like a long time until morning.

Making a completely non-command decision, he stood lifting her in his arms and carried her to her bedroom. Laying her gently in the already messy bed then stretched his long lanky body out beside her. She completely glued herself to him, from her toes to her face which at the moment was blowing hot breath over his sensitive neck. God help him, but he wanted nothing more that to strip her and make love to her until some of her pain was relieved.

It had always made him wonder if he was the only one who needed sex to feel alive after a devastatingly personal loss. He always did, to the extent that after Charlie's death was the only time in his life that he'd paid a prostitute. He'd been so needy and he and Sara had broken apart in so many pieces he'd wondered at the time if actually Humpty Dumpty could even partially put them back together.

They were both fully clothed, but Jack could feel her soft sexy body against him. It didn't help either that he'd already decided that he really was head over heels crazy about her, or that she needed him right now.

Then there was the statement she just thrown out there. Of course she had to let Janet have Cassie. They both already knew at the present time that they weren't capable of taking care of a child and do this life sucking job that they had. How selfish would anyone be to put a small innocent child in their hectic lives? And he knew how good Sam's soul was, she certainly didn't have a self-centered bone in her body.

And right now, they had an important goal. They had to find Apophis and ensure their planet's safety and take Sha're back. Jack needed Carter with him. He knew in his bones that their team couldn't do this without her. But he said none of the things that he was thinking.

He'd found with Sara that it was never safe to go against something she'd wanted desperately. And Jack had never seen such desperation as he was seeing in Carter, even if he didn't understand it or it didn't make an ounce of sense for this career driven, genius to be so broken over this. Who knew? So he just held her and tried to keep pure thoughts in his mind.

Sam had been fantasying about him since the Broca virus, maybe she could even admit that she'd love to make a family for Cassie that included him. She'd slowly discovered over this last year that he was not only fun to be around, but that she had strong feelings for him that bordered on love.

Add to that fact that she hadn't had sex in well over a year since breaking up with her ex-fiancé, Jonas, caused her usually tight self-control to quickly dissolve. Plus she just needed him. She needed Jack. She absolutely knew this was the wrong thing to do; she'd just spent the better part of two hours fighting her feelings.

As was her usual way she'd analyzed and over-thought this Cassie thing. She had almost admitted to herself that although she loved and wanted Cassie in her life, she wanted a package deal and she wanted Jack to be a part of it. She couldn't even begin to know why or where that idea had materialized. He certainly had not offered anything of the sort.

She had only realized that it was snaking through her mind like a Goa'uld when Janet made her offer to adopt Cassie. That was as devastating for her to realize as the fact that she couldn't keep Cassie, not now. Janet was right. Cassie would be so much better off with her. Janet was such a warm and loving woman. She was caring and genuinely loved people. She would make the best mother of the two of them. That hurt to admit.

She'd fought the fight and lost. She knew she couldn't have either of them on a full time basis and keep fighting for Earth's safety. She knew, without being arrogant, that the team needed her more than Cassie, especially since she had to admit that Cassie would have a much more sane and normal life with Janet.

It wasn't as if she couldn't be a part of Cassie's life if Janet adopted her. But it hurt. It was the first time in her life that the dream of 'having a life' had mattered more than her career, if it was only briefly. But nonetheless, the decision she'd just made had crushed her. And she needed him, wanted him.

She wasn't so lost that she didn't recognize that what they were doing could become a great problem between them. But her emotional state had certainly increased her hormone driven response to his physical presence. She refused to stop this. They would just have to deal with any consequences.

As they held each other tightly, both their bodies seemed to have other ideas. The hot breath that swept over Sam's face and neck fueled her desire for this man. She'd always found him a very sexy, physically desirable man and lying in his arms with his knee forced in between her legs was not helping her to control her need.

She could no longer keep her body still, she could feel his hot skin through the fabric of her sweat pants and tee. The heat that radiated from him entered her body through her skin and quickly traversed all through her insides igniting a fire that she wasn't sure could ever be put out.

The more he tightened his hold to keep her still, the more she wiggled herself over his knee. The more she wiggled the more his knee pressed against her center. Their muscles were moving in complete disobedience to their minds. Jack's hand seemed to find her breast all on its own.

When he realized he was massaging her breast, he quickly withdrew his hand. Hearing her moan at the loss of contact made his body respond to her physically and his lips came crushing down on hers.

He moved his lips across hers firmly. She opened her mouth to catch a breath and his tongue slide in stroking through her mouth, dancing with hers. Their kisses were heated and both of them were lost to the physical desire that swept through them.

"Oh, God Carter, do you know what we are about to do?" Lust-filled black eyes questioned her intently. His breathing was coming in hard pants. "Carter?"

She lowered her lips to his neck. Whisper soft kisses lined his jaw as she caressed his body with hers. "I know, Colonel." He rolled them so quickly she was taken off guard and could only stare into his eyes.

"Carter, it's not that I don't want this, God's only knows how much I do. But I need to know you're okay with this before anything happens. I don't what to hurt you more than you already are." His gaze blazed into her eyes and face almost making her feel burned. "I can't do this if it causes trouble for you, for our team." He whispered in a low and husky voice.

Jack wasn't good with words, but he had to get across to her that he couldn't lose her, that he was worried if he took what she was offering, and right now it was so hard not too, he wanted her on the team and program more than this. If it was going to cause any kind of conflict between them, then…..

"I want you more than I've wanted a woman in a very long time, Sam." He voice was soft and sure, "But I refuse to destroy you in the process. Tell me it won't make a difference. Please."

She couldn't. She knew it would, but she needed him so much, she refused to stop. She stared into his eyes for a long moment. At times, she could swear they could read each other's thoughts, she wondered if this was one of those times.

"Don't stop, Jack. Please," she softy whispered, tears pooling at her bottom eye lids. Her voice didn't sound sexy or lusty, just plain needy. God help him, but there was no way in hell or heaven for that matter that he'd be able to turn her down. She needed him. Now. Maybe he wasn't the only person who needed sex to make them feel alive. Or would this be just sex between them? They were close, they had a good friendship. They cared for each other. A lot. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Sam, if this turns sour, I refuse to let you transfer off SG1. You'll just have to live with it." It wasn't a threat but a promise and she somehow knew it.

TBC

Thanks for reading! I really appreciate your reviews. I'm glad some of you like this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Giving up Cassie**

_Notes: Really short chapter! This story is getting really close to the end. Thanks for reading and so much for your reviews! They really encourage me to write more, and post more often! Sorry, this is a short chapter, but RL is knocking me down right now. Pop broke his hip and my time is short! _

**Chapter Six **

"I will, I know how important our job is. I know what I have to do." Her gaze burned his eyes, heat poured off her and he could no longer resist. As their passion flared into flames again, he kissed her soft lips gently at first, thinking he was really going to make love to her.

He was still unsure of doing this, but at this point he could do nothing other than make love to this woman who had become so important in his life. He needed her, to take care of her, make love to her as if their lives depended on it; somehow he felt maybe it did.

He kissed her again softy and asked again, "Tell me to stop Sam. 'Cause from now own I don't think I'll be able to." He memorized her face and the look in her eyes at this moment. He already had several files on "Carter" stored in his mind, but none of her like this. His mind stored the image that he'd keep only for himself.

The look of desire on Sam's face, the shine of her lust filled eyes and the feel of her hands pulling his neck and face toward her was all the answer he needed. He covered her lips with his.

The time for words was over as their kisses became more and more passionate. His tongue swept through her mouth thoroughly setting her ablaze with desire that kept moving through her body as if it was gathering each and every emotion, every sensation that she was experiencing to make her powerful physical need even more explosive.

Jack kissed and caressed her neck, nipping and licking each spot before moving to the next. Sam could no longer think her body was so alive with feelings and sensation that for the first time in two weeks her mind was free of thought, doubt and worry. She gave everything she was at this moment over to him.

She responded to him as she'd never responded to anyone. It was her newly discovered and admitted feelings for him that she would later blame. He continued to caress her body with his lips and hands; as most everything he did, he was on a master level at this.

He moved up her body. He watched her eyes as they became even darker than they were. He just examined her face and expressions letting them mark his memory. He wanted to remember this moment and the way she looked. Jack wasn't sure how he felt about Carter.

He knew he loved her as much as anyone else in his life right now, maybe more. But he wasn't sure what kind of love it was.

He was so impressed with her intelligence and the way she handled herself as a soldier and a warrior that sometimes he really thought he was just proud of her as a teammate and felt that incredible close bond that this type of unit forms. Problem was that Carter was a woman, and not just a woman but one of the most beautiful and sexiest women he'd yet to meet.

There wasn't any man that came close to her that didn't find her attractive and he was definitely no exception there. The difference was that he couldn't let any of those feelings show, well until now anyway. Oh he knew he loved her and wanted her, but was he in love with Carter? That he really didn't know, and he didn't think she was in love with him either.

"Jack?" She whispered, "Is something wrong?" She was so close to his face that her hot breath quickened the flame that was still burning strongly inside him.

"No, I.. I.. was just thinking how beautiful you are." He answered a slight smile forming on his face. He didn't want to say too much, he'd found over the years, that too much honesty sometimes destroyed more than it helped. He thought that if they could keep this just about the sex at the moment they would be much better off.

He lowered his lips to hers and kissed her deeply until they had to break for breath. He kissed the side of her jaw and up toward her ear. Quickly finding the spot that made her breath hitch and soft growling sounds escape from her throat; he kissed and nipped from her ear and down her neck again until she was moving her body to a silent dance.

Her body was dancing against him as if a soundless song was playing in the background. Her rhythm followed a beat that could not be heard, only felt.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

They collapsed and he laid on her for some time.

"Am I hurting you?" He whispered in her ear.

"No."

After a few more minutes, he rolled pulling her with him. He wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled into his side. She looked up at his face without moving from his side, but she only gave him her mega watt smile. He knew she wanted to say something, he just wasn't sure what.

"Wow, that.. that…was.. I'm not sure I have words," she whispered in a deep husky voice, locking eyes with him. "Wow."

His grin became boarder across his face and his eyes sparkled. "It was certainly my pleasure." He stopped short of saying her name or anything else that would give away just how deeply he felt about her. Not a good thing to do, since he didn't really know.

He pulled the covers over them and within minutes they were both sound asleep.

**TBC**

Thanks for reading! Your reviews are appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7

**Giving Up Cassie**

**Chapter Seven **

**Sam woke **early the next morning still wrapped in the Colonel's arms. She stilled her movements just enjoying the feel of his body against hers. They'd spent the night making love, the best sex of her life.

She lay there for some time just going over the night before in her mind. She had to put on just the right air before he woke. She knew they couldn't let this happen again; it was a one-time moment of weakness. What a weakness, the night that she needed him and he cared enough to help her through. But they had to leave it there.

Sam hadn't known just how much she really felt for this man until last night. But she knew too, that she needed her job and the job needed both of them. She couldn't have this 'life' just yet, she couldn't even have Cassie.

Last night she'd realized that too. It broke her heart, but she had to do what was best for Cassie and her team and especially her planet. She didn't usually let herself break like that, but she had known how much Cassie needed her and she had let that subconsciously lead her to a false hope of having a family. Something she'd desperately needed since her mother's death.

She was and still would be willing to adopt Cassie and put her first, even if it meant giving up her coveted position on SG1. She had let that idea worm its way into her heart so much so that she'd never thought that Janet's offer would cause her such pain. But it had.

Maybe she'd learned something about herself through this. Maybe she wasn't the ice queen as she'd been accused time and again because she had not been able to show her in-depth feelings and emotions since losing her family after her mother died.

Her family that had been filled with love and laughter, suddenly disintegrated. Her father and brother fought over whose fault it was until her father had completely withdrawn from them both and her brother left home. She had only talked to him a dozen or so times in the following years.

She knew very well that the Colonel, Daniel and Teal'c had had a lot to do with the renewal of life within her soul. They had come together as family and had shown each other such care and concern that she'd realized that she could trust love, that other people could love her. Her deeply buried emotions had fired to life with her need to care for Cassie, so much that they had spilled out onto the Colonel.

Her inability to put herself out there for others to see made her look cold and uncaring. SG1 had changed that. They each cared for the other and they were all in the same boat, damaged, to one degree or the other. But they were able to come together as a unit to support and keep one another not only safe but whole. They were her safety net, Jack most of all, because he was the most like her. They understood each other.

She'd have to put this new experience of him in the back of her mind. Store it away to take out and remember the next time things were bad. Because there was no doubt that this could not happen again. It was one thing, having sex with her CO, a one time thing.

Against regulations. Something she never thought she'd do.

Never.

But admitting that it was more than a one time thing would make it more than she knew either of them was ready for. That's what was so painful, admitting that she wasn't ready for a relationship with this wonderful man at this point in her life; admitting that her life was just too busy, too unstable to give herself to either him or Cassie.

But so was his. Their jobs were just too important.

Thank goodness that it was Jack and not someone who wouldn't understand that she had to put her job first.

Had to.

Although she felt that he really cared for her a lot, she knew that he felt the same way.

Duty first.

This was a one time thing. Had to be. Because she knew it was more than just sex.

Much more for them both, even if they couldn't admit it. Wouldn't admit it.

Duty, among several other things, they had in common. They were both military through and through, they understood. They understood what it meant to put their duty first. They would just have to learn to keep this between them and not let it affect their work, their team. She felt sure that's what he'd meant by his comment last night.

Her job would be to keep it from going 'sour' as he had said. But she refused to regret this night or let him be sorry for it. It had meant the world to her and she needed him to know that. Maybe she couldn't commit to Cassie or him at present, but she hoped that someday…

She could feel his body's slight morning reaction to either her or just early morning. Or it could be a little of both. She turned in his arms and found him smiling at her, so she kissed him, softy at first then she deepened the kiss.

"Hey," she said as they broke away for breath. He was grateful that she was taking this so well. He really didn't know what to expect, that had worried him as he had lain so still waiting for her to come fully awake.

"Hey, beautiful." He smiled back at her, his eyes questioning.

"I wish we could do that again. I really, really do. But we…" she hesitated and just held his gaze for a few moments, "both know why we can't. Right?" Her voice sounded strange, but it was obvious she was not upset over what had happened. Neither did she seem to regret it. "But I have to tell you, I loved every minute of it. I needed you and I really appreciate your staying, Jack."

"I know Carter. And for the record, I loved it too. You were so hot!" He smiled at her and gathered her in his arms for one more kiss.

"Okay, do we need to talk about any of this or are we…," he waved his hands back and forth between them then added, "okay?" 

"I'm really okay, Colonel. Really. You?"

"If you are." But he was still looking at her with some doubt. "You don't think we need to report to Hammond?" His eyes captured hers.

"No, Colonel. I don't. I know I have to give up Cassie. And I know we have a job to do." She held his gaze, not smiling but communicating unspoken feelings and decisions. "I thought we didn't need to talk about this?" She asked softly. He reached for her once more and softy kissed her lips.

"You're some'um else, Sam." His voice softly reflected the pride he felt for her. She let him hold her a few more minutes, before she sat up looking around the room.

"Whatcha doin'? Carter."

"Trying to find my robe," she said, pulling the cover up over her naked breasts.

"You can get up, I've seen, remember." He teased her. She giggled. I really do wish I could have a life with this man she thought, but dared not say it.

"Well, if we're going back to CO and Second, I just didn't want to tempt you any further," she said as she got up and stood naked by the side of the bed, smiling down at him, teasing him.

"Maybe you were right," he squeaked as he started at her body. "God, Carter you're so beautiful." His eyes met hers and they held a long silent conversation.

"So are you, Jack," she whispered in a husky voice, leaned in and kissed him once more. Standing up straight she added sadly, "That was the last kiss. Have to get dressed before Cassie gets up!" She turned away from the bed and started walking to the bathroom but turned back to the bed. "Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe someday we can get back to this? Someday when we're not so needed by the world?"

"I can promise that two, Carter." His eyes blazed into hers making her knees weak. "It'll make me work that much harder to stop the snakes."

She stood in the door leaning her head on the door frame just smiling at him and taking in the sight of a gorgeously naked Colonel O'Neill. "Me too, Colonel," she said dreamily. She turned back toward the bathroom.

"Sam."

"Yeah?"

"You want me with, when you talk to Janet?"

"Yes." Her eyes sparkled with gratitude as she turned and closed the bath room door. He could hear her humming through the door.

Maybe this will be okay, he thought. Carter was a complicated woman. Beautiful. Smart. It was really a one off for her to be so broken by this thing with Cassie. He wouldn't pretend to understand. But he hoped she really had come to terms with her decision, and that it wouldn't keep hurting her so much.

He knew she'd made the right decision for Cassie and for Earth. But he also knew she'd have more bad times, he just wished he could be there for her this same way. But he knew that was not reality. As much as he didn't want to admit it, this was way more than sex or just friendship.

He would watch to make sure she was okay with Janet and Cassie, and keep praying that this wonderful night between them didn't destroy their working relationship or friendship. He'd meant he couldn't keep doing this job without her, even knowing what he was giving up to keep her on his team.

Jack felt the same loss as he'd felt when the elevator in the underground bunker started back down with Carter in it. He resigned himself to the fact that they had to take Cassie to the bunker. They feared that the bomb in her body would blow up the base. Not much choice even though it broke his heart.

But Carter.

That had been different. He still had not admitted even to himself exactly what he'd felt, he just knew the sight of the numbers 26 and 27 would always remind him of what he could have lost.

Someday.

The thought held both promise and fear. Fear that he might never deserve this beautiful genius, even if she were to actually fall in love with him. Promise because he knew the thought would stand as a reminder of what he could have. Right now, that was enough.

Had to be.

The world needed saving, and that was their job, a job that they had to do together because as he'd just discovered they were stronger together.

He just had to hold that thought.

Someday.

They just had to still their feelings until they could have it all.

Someday.

Jack lay back with his hand behind his head and hummed.

Someday didn't seem that far off.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Janet, this is Sam. Can we talk?" Sam held the phone to her ear as Jack fixed eggs and bacon for Cassie's breakfast.

"Sure. Sam, are we okay?" Janet's voice was hesitant yet she sounded hopeful.

"Janet, please just come over and let's talk. Colonel O'Neill's here and will watch Cassie."

"Okay, Sam. When?"

"Now, or any time this morning, you're off today, right?"

"Yes, how about in an hour?" Janet was nervous. She was so hopeful, but she wasn't sure what Sam had decided.

"I'll be waiting. Thanks Janet." Sam hung up the phone and just stared at it. No, she thought, now was just not her time. Maybe someday she'd have that perfect child and perfect man, this just wasn't the time.

The world really did need them. They had no choice. Not yet.

She went back into the kitchen, "Colonel, Janet will be here in about an hour. Okay?"

"Okay with me, Carter. I told you, I got nothing to do today but hang out and help you." He smiled at her. He was getting to her. She had to get hold of herself or he'd think she was upset over their night together. She smiled back.

"Come on, eat. It's all ready. Cassie! Come on baby, Uncle Jack's cooked your breakfast again." He said loudly getting giggles from both girls.

Sam helped Cassie get settled and handed her a glass of juice. Jack filled her plate and sat it in front of her. They ate while answering questions that Cassie asked about Earth and all the strange things that she was encountering.

The longer that time past the quieter that Sam became. Jack was watching her all the while trying to keep Cassie engaged. He knew how painful this was for Sam, but he didn't make any comments or let her know he'd noticed her silence. Anyway, he didn't really know what to say without upsetting Cassie.

After breakfast they straightened the kitchen and were sitting around the table teaching Cassie to play cards when Sam's door bell rang. She almost jumped out of her skin. Raising her wide eyed gaze to met Jack's questioning eyes, she froze. Now. Now was the time.

Janet was here. Now. Jack saw the change in her mood and quickly jumped to his feet, "Carter, why don't you get the door?" He waited for her to focus and realization to light those beautiful blue eyes.

"Okay?" He waited for her response, but she didn't answer. "I'll take Cass to the park across the street? How's that sound?" He held her gaze hoping she could do this without getting upset again.

"Sure." She finally answered after the third door bell rang out loudly. Slowly getting to her feet she looked back at Jack. He nodded toward the door and smiled.

"It's the right thing, Sam," he said in a soft encouraging voice.

"I sure hope so, Colonel," she answered, quickly turning toward the front door.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Jack stood outside her lab door, just watching her. He'd done this so many times lately. He'd watch; she'd never look up. He'd lose his nerve and leave. He knew the decision had been made. It was official. Janet had temporary custody of Cassie until the adoption was finalized. He'd talked to Sam and Janet. He knew every thing was good between them. But he still worried for Carter.

She'd been quieter and holed up in her lab more than usual this last two weeks. Jack knew she'd had dinner with Janet and Cassie at least six nights out of the last two weeks. Two of those nights the whole team had been invited. They all felt it was best for Cassie if Sam was around more at first, then gradually taper off on her visits.

Cassie had taken the news much better than they had thought. Only Jack knew just how much it really upset the child. He'd talked to her, himself to make sure she understood as much as possible. Jack didn't sugar coat the truth.

He explained that Sam was too smart and that no one knew the things she did. That no one could take her place at the SGC. He explained to Cassie what Sam did or as much as he thought she'd understand. That Earth's welfare was at stake because of the Goa'uld and that the SGC needed Sam to help fight them. It had taken some explanation, but treating the child with respect and letting her have as much of the truth as possible, Cassie had not cried in front of anyone else, even Sam.

Jack would never forget the sweet comments that Cassie had made with her child's wisdom when he'd tried to explain why Sam couldn't adopt her.

"I'm a lucky little girl, Uncle Jack. I'm the only survivor of a whole planet. I have a new home and new people who love me. It won't matter which one I live with, will it Uncle Jack? Won't you all still take care of me and play with me? I love you all, Uncle Jack. Even Uncle George."

She smiled at him and he knew for certain he had just lost his heart to this little angel. No one would ever take her place in his heart. He felt as if he'd just held his new born 'daughter.'

He'd picked her up hugged her tight, "Of course we will. Baby, we'll always take care of you. Of course we all love you." Cassie was so much smarter than they gave her credit, she understood the situation. She never gave them a minute's trouble over going to live with Janet. Cassie had known that Janet loved her too, and she really liked the tiny doctor. This helped to lighten Sam's heart.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Sam looked up and saw him standing at her lab door. She'd actually seen him several times before this, but he'd left before coming in. This time she spoke up before he had time to leave. She didn't want him to start feeling uncomfortable with her or ignoring her. That would cause trouble for them.

"Colonel O'Neill." She called loudly making sure he would hear her. She watched as he walked all the way into the room. "You need to see me, Sir?" She asked watching Jack's eyes intently.

"Yeah, I just wanted to know how you are." His eyes locked with hers and he waited for her to tell him.

"Colonel, I'm okay. Really." They just kept staring into each other's eyes. Her voice became really soft and she added, "Jack, I'm fine. I'm glad that you're concerned. It means a lot."

His face turned into a huge smile that made his long dimples really visible. She smiled back.

"Just wanted to make sure everything is okay with you. You ready for the mission tomorrow? First one we've had in over a month?"

"Yeahsureyabetcha," she answered. He laughed; it seemed funny to hear members of his team and even some of the other people on base using his colloquialisms. He stepped closer to her and with one hand squeezed her shoulder lightly then turned to walk out of her lab.

"Sir."

"Yeah, Carter?"

"I… we.. really are okay… Sir, thanks for taking such good care of me. You don't know how much it helps or what it means to me." Her eyes held his in a direct path filled with sincerity and affection. His eyes were bright chocolate pools shining back at her with more emotion than she'd seen on his face since their night together, eyes sending silent messages that promised a bright future. They were okay. They were okay.

"Any time, Carter. Always"

**THE END or just the beginning. **

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little fic. I enjoyed writing it. Thanks so much for all your comments and reviews. I LOVED each and every one of them.


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